Wednesday, July 14, 2010

What's my age again?

Tonight I attended the bridal shower of a friend whom I have known since we moved to Utah in 1996. I went with my best friend growing up and spent the evening chatting with my group of girlfriends from high school. It was interesting that put in that situation I behaved a lot like I was 15 or 16, reverting back to old behaviors, roles, and jokes. I danced, swam, sang, and played limbo. It was all the kind of fun that makes you feel safe again because there are no adults, no boys, and no one to impress; so you let it all out.


In the last few years I've placed myself in many situations that required me to present myself as older, more mature, and more capable than maybe I really was. I learned so much and formed friendships with people of all ages and from all walks of life as a result. I wouldn't change a thing in the way my life has panned out, I can truly look back and see God's hand in each bit of it. However, I wonder what comes next and what is now.


So as I strive everyday to find that elusive 'balance' in life, age is on my mind. What should my 20 year old life look like? Does the soul have an age? Does the fact that I know how to behave as though I am older mean I should? Is it ok to still be a kid once you're not a teenager anymore? And finally, do I trust my intuition and sense of self worth enough to know the appropriateness of behavior in any given situation as it comes at me? I'm also starting to wonder how many times in this life I will have this beautiful 'discovery' of self I am in the middle of. Maybe it never stops, and that thought has me smiling ear to ear.
On that note of discarding your age and moving with your ituition each day, I rocked out to a musical legend last night this little lady and we both felt 13 again.
Paul Mccartney, you are STILL a bad ass.

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