Thursday, August 26, 2010

I'll call this post Elliott Smith

It seems the deepest and most painful relationships also yield the most intense truths; about life, and about yourself. Which is why we crave them I suppose (narcissism at its best, huh?)

I had a chat last night (or rather a four hour discussion) with a person that really got me thinking. Actually it just brought me back to the thinking I've been doing all summer. And it was painful, but pain means you're alive right? When I'm feeling really really low (I'm talking-that scene from the Royal Tenenbaums in the bathroom with Luke Wilson makes me cry-kind of low), that seems to be the only truth I can comprehend-it helps me to understand masochists/people, as they are one in the same as far as I can tell.

The topic I'm skating around is the very one we spend each day skating around: the genuineness of our innate characters. And through a slew of unsuccessful and painful relationships, I've discovered a truth. (Somehow I'm good at falling for the guys who always call me on my bullshit.)

And that truth is that it is not difficult to be yourself, we all have intuition that we can connect with to judge whether each of our actions aligns with our divine beliefs. It is, however, very scary to be yourself, to tap into that intuition that appears to promise a more centered life. So it is a test I mean to conduct. If I jump off this cliff I have been standing on, who will be at the bottom?

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