Thursday, August 12, 2010

The ultimate form of fear

I generally take the position of above-it-all, unaffected, unscathed because it is easier to believe I exist in a different realm. The realm of the puppeteers, the ones who control the walking and talking of each character in each story, if you control it you don't get hurt, right?! It isn't so much a comment on my ego (although it is apparent I have an unruly one) as a survival technique. I believed if I could by all looks and images 'get involved' with someone without truly giving of myself whether in friendship or other relationships, then it would prove... well I'm not sure, maybe that I was stronger? or better? You can tell I never logically followed this train of thought out before now.

But lately I've realized that not getting involved is a rather cowardly and unfulfilled way to go about things.

So rather than hold each person on the tip of my finger, I am vowing to let each one begin travelling into my heart. I sense that some will stay at my fingers and some may leave me all together. As I commit to being a part of this human experience I believe that I will also be invited into the hearts of some others and the reality that exists there and not in our minds will be ours to revel in.

I suppose what I'm trying to do here is put it out into the universe (I am a big believer in the secret) that I am ready for connection of all types. I am welcoming anything true and genuine from friends to lovers to family. And I am preparing to dismiss all that is not. I recognize that that invites pain but I am convinced that the pain of being disconnected (from yourself, people around you and the earth) is far worse.

So here goes nothing, my invitation to the universe for some real living.

p.s. a little secret... I am not scared this time.

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