I never thought I'd discuss this here. But since I elude to almost everything else that's occurring my life, I figure it's about time I discuss the un-discuss-able... church.
I don't need to explain when I say I have spent the last few years...shall we say... following my own path, going to Liahona route versus the Iron Rod.
And irony of all irony's, after the year I've had, I was called to be the relief society 1st counselor in my singles ward (the singles ward which I have been attending largely because when you live at your parents, you follow their rules, and church is a rule here). When the bishop called me I replied instantly with "are you sure? are you sure you meant to call Kelsey Hannon?".
I accepted. So the last few weeks have housed more church activities than the last few years combined (I exaggerate, but only slightly). There have also been a few rocky firsts, like showing up to meetings in street clothes when everyone else is in their Sunday best.
But tonight as our ward counsel dolled out callings like free candy and traded persons between relief society and activities committee like the football draft, something occurred to me....
I am a sinner.
I have always been a sinner.
I will always be a sinner.
And even though the people in that room have always felt like they existed in a different world than me; I knew that I belonged there. Because although my knowledge and faith may be lacking and I don't even take the sacrament right now, I have never felt more overall peace about my life (including this absurd calling).
So I want to be open and honest about all this. I don't know exactly how I feel about all this church business, meetings and callings and visions and scriptures and revelation. But... I'm not so sure it matters.
There are a few things I am sure about.
The most important of which is that I am loved.
And for now, that's enough.