because if they tell you you can do whatever you want, that means you don't know what you want. That means you're so disconnected with your body and soul that you can't even figure out which end is up. And all that really happens is you let your body wander around and your mind stays on that same one track playlist that repeats itself over and over.
I wish I had a conclusion. Or a thesis. Or even a theme for this post. But I don't.
everything I believed about my world and myself has been proved wrong.
not to worry, I'm not feeling suicidal. I'll keep living-I'm a survivor (or so they tell me), and what's the point of a survivor that dies shortly thereafter? I'm just not sure what living looks like for me anymore.
I promise to explain all this at some point when my tongue is loosed and the words start to flow again. But for now, bare with me as I try. try. try to make sense of things.