I have been thinking a lot of womanhood lately, and the lack of pure feminism that exists.
Yes, it has been piqued by my recent misfortune, but it is more than that.
It is the day to day offenses that have got my ears perked.
When I tried to explain my new sensitivities to one of my therapists she replied that it made sense. When something really bad happens to you, you often become ultra particular about your life. Including everything from what you eat, to what you watch, to who you let be around you. You might term it a coping form of neurosis; you are unwilling to allow anything that offends your soul to be in your space.
I'll be frank; this concept took me about a month to understand and begin implementing. At first there were small aversions to things and a completely neurotic approach to eating. But around the time of this post somethings became very clear to me about how to proceed. If I wanted to heal and move forward with any prospects of healthy relationships and a fulfilling life, I had to not only clearly define what my innate womanhood means for me, but also recognize the things in my life that would support that definition and cleanse my life of those things that wouldn't.
A few nights ago I watched 'The Young Victoria'. (I would recommend this to every woman) I understand that Hollywood claims artistic liberties in film making and so there is no way to be sure what actually happened but there was a line that struck me so.
The two pictured above (Queen Victoria and Prince Albert) are playing chess at their first meeting and she tells him she feels like a pawn in their game(referring to the many politicians and family members around her). To which he replies that she had better learn to play the game better than them then. She balks and asks if he doesn't think she should just find a husband to play for her... and this is the kicker.... he replies "I should think you should find one to play it with you. "
Again, I recognize Hollywood was leading me to believe this was the moment she fell for him, but I like the idea of this relationship being so progressive for it's time period, and so I'll go with that and probably buy the movie as well.
I want to be very clear here: I am not a man hater, quite the opposite in fact. And I do believe in divine roles. But more on all this in later posts....
For now I just want to say that I am finding myself drawn to films and literature full of strong and capable leading women. And that my sensitivity is helping me to slowly write and live a full definition of what it means for me to be a woman in this day. And that's one really good thing that has come from one really bad experience.