Tuesday, November 23, 2010

mistakes

You are my biggest regret. Only because you are the brightest sign signifying all the terrible things that were going on with me each time I knew you. 


I very nearly did not publish this post. SOOOO EMO. I know. But even though it feels like it could be in this blog (haha)... I still mean every word of it.

 You know those mistakes? Those people you've been with that just feel so embarrassing in hind-sight? So unlike you? The ones whose mere existence speaks volumes about you at that time in your life?

I hope you know...

I hope I'm not the only one who gets sucked up into this vortex where you can't remember who you are or meant to be and since life is so painful you just make these bizarre life choices for a while...




here's to hitting the pavement with resumes in hand. again.

1 comment:

  1. It is easy to lose yourself, I think. Some people might call it settling or some other name. I know in my past relationships, in hindsight, that I was becoming or I was someone that wasn't true to myself. It happened gradually, slow enough, that it was hard to notice. There was a significant amount of irritation and stress in my life that stemmed from what I knew, but didn't know rationally or even emotionally. It can be hard to see, hard to want to see, hard to let go ...

    All said and done, I think I'm better now for it.

    From a song:
    I've been crawling on my belly clearing out what could've been I've been wallowing in my own chaotic and insecure delusions. I wanna feel the change consume me, feel the outside turning in. I wanna feel the metamorphosis and cleansing I've endured within my shadow. Change is coming. Now is my time. Listen to my muscle memory. Contemplate what I've been clinging to. Forty-six and two ahead of me. I choose to live and to grow, take and give and to move, learn and love and to cry, kill and die and to be paranoid and to lie, hate and fear and to do what it takes to move through. I choose to live and to lie, kill and give and to die, learn and love and to do what it takes to step through. See my shadow changing, stretching up and over me soften this old armor. hoping I can clear the way by stepping through my shadow, coming out the other side. Step into the shadow. Forty six and two are just ahead of me.

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