Thursday, December 30, 2010

Throwin' it out there

Today I've got a nasty case of the mean reds. 

So I'm sitting at Borders in a comfortable chair, wearing my favorite outfit, trying to verbalize a bit of what's going on inside me so that it can exit without doing too much damage. But rather than try to edit and be profound. I'm going to spew my thoughts and see how that goes.

I find it ironic at best and infuriating at worst that in Provo city my police report deems me a victim and my Orem police report deems me mental and a danger to myself. Couldn't they just have a good chat with each other? Put two and two together and look the other way so we can all stop wasting one another's time and money...

I find it awe-inspiring at best and terrifying at worst the capacity of the human emotional range. In the last few months I've seen such stark opposites. I've seen people draw from the dark depths of their capacities to feel and act in extreme crudeness. I've also seen people reach up to the ceiling of their capacities to feel and extend such love and care as I had not witnessed first hand in my life before.

They say that the lower you go, the higher you can also go. I suppose you extend yourself very far in either direction and of course there is growth to be had. It's a simple thought that keeps me smiling some days. as my heart has certainly carved new spaces and uncharted territory as of late.

My frustration and fear is subsiding already. Nearly as quickly as it built up. Thank goodness for this blog, it has saved my life not once, but many many times. Or at least saved me from acting without thought and slowly chipping away at progress I really do work so hard for.

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