You know they say the reason that the dark is so scary is simply because it's unknown?
It seems ironic because sometimes turning on the light shows you something much much more terrifying than you ever imagined. or sometimes it's just an empty room.
But I think whoever 'they' are, may be on to something.
that thing that takes whatever shape it believes will scare you most and then sits itself like a stubborn child with its arms crossed in the forefront of your mind. Much like that ---insert well timed Harry Potter mythical creature reference--- that turns into spiders when it faces Ron.
some people cope by planning.
(ha! the deep bellied laugh God/the universe/whoever or whatever you believe is in control must get from our futile plans.)
some people cope by numbing.
(oh the rehabs are making their money. unfortunately it seems too many of them exist as adult babysitting centers for 30 days and little more. (note that I did not say all, I have a deep seeded appreciation for the good ones))
some people cope with theological beliefs.
I've got no quip for this. out of respect. really.
some people cope by simply being one of those lucky bastards that don't seem to know any better. seriously. ignorance is bliss and so often I wish I was dumber than I am.
bottom line. Life has not been, nor do I delude myself to believe it will ever be, what I had in mind. at all.
Q: How do I deal with that?
A: a generous mixture of the aforementioned coping mechanisms, close friends and family, and a deranged sense of humor that allows me to poke fun at things like drug addiction and sexual assault without flinching.
I wanted to write this now because I'm currently feeling quite lucky to hold another secret tool that only comes out on very very good days. that otherworldly wonder and thirst for adventure.
because then life as a 20-something.... becomes less about coping and more about enjoying. enjoying the fact that it's possible you'll get an e-mail tomorrow that will change your life. enjoying the fact that every new person in your life is so new and you've never met anyone like them. enjoying the fact that even for the ones of us that have made a few limiting decisions, life is still pretty simple and we really don't know anything about responsibility. (oops, am I flaunting what beautiful parents I have again?) enjoying the fact that we get to spend each day, each semester, dabbling in this and that as we begin, yes begin, our quest to find out what we actually mean to get out this life.
I'll have to look back on all this tomorrow when the unknown comes a knockin' once again.
one last piece to my formula for dealing with life and it's unknown twists and turns....
hope. hope that even though life isn't exactly what I thought it might be... my disillusionment in that department will be a good thing so that I can stay receptive for the bigger, better things that will find me instead.