Sunday, March 27, 2011

writing on ambien

how many times a day do you seriously doubt yourself? how many times do you look in the mirror without actually looking? how often does circumstance concede to a room full of haunting tunes and lavish scents?

allow me a sentence or two of suppressed teen-aged angst...

it feels like I will never fit anywhere, even when I'm full of friendships.

I think it's possible that that's because I'm not able to give all the things I want to get.

I could spend some time with that sentence... but lets move on.



to the fact that I took a sleeping pill an hour ago and still find myself aimlessly typing away on this silver keyboard like it matters.

this is one of those posts that doesn't have a point or a way to lift you at the end... but chances are, if you're still reading, that's not what you're looking for.

you know you're in trouble when your favorite place to be is supine on the bathroom floor.






2 comments:

  1. We all doubt ourselves. Don't worry about uplifting your readers; just keep writing it as it is :)

    It's cathartic to know that I'm not the only person around me plagued by self-doubt. I wonder why so many of us feel this way. Maybe we over-think?

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  2. I concur. We all do doubt everything all the time. And most of us never feel like we fit in either. And please don't be so hard on yourself.

    I think the rule is you know everything about everything until you hit 20 and then from 20 to 30, you gradually learn you know nothing about anything and the world gets scarier and scarier, but at the same time, because you've been through so much, the scaries seem somehow manageable.

    And then at 30, you find a person to love who loves you even if you flinch badly when they touch you unexpectedly and who even makes you laugh about the worst parts of your life.

    And then people are all, "Oh, to be 20 again," and your eyes widen with panic at the thought of going through it all again.

    Or maybe that's just some of us. :)

    Hang in there, is all.

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