Sunday, September 11, 2011

.

in an effort at honesty and reflection and all those other painful things....

writing that last post was like checking off the last of my to-do list:
-go to yoga
-clean house
-deposit checks, balance check book
-go shopping
-do homework
-write a blog post

i talk here about healing, and growing up, and sorting it all out. well something has occurred to me this week as i deal with that thing, you know, that thing that i didn't see coming.

a change has happened in me, not in my circumstance.

i'm not more resilient

the different is in my knowledge of my capacity to do life.

i'll explain it this way:

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remember your first fight with your best friend? how you think you'll never get over it and the world has ended, and you're 12 yrs old? and then you make up, or you don't, but either way--- life goes on?

then you get older and your heart gets broken for the first time. because you're young. and he's young. and you don't understand half of what's going on, but you're sure you know it all. so you're sobbing because he was the one.

then you turn 18 and you are an adult but all that seems to mean is more and harder decisions and then some really shit things happen and you kinda wish that fighting with your BFF was all that was on your mind

and in all the years of this and that, here is what you learn:

it's all relative and time heals and la di da.

-------

it's this knowledge that's kept me going all week. i did all my things and then some. i didn't let this stumble take me down because i had real world things to do--i had a life to live!

so today after i finished that blog post, my complete to do list finished and my best means of distraction (Parks and Recreation...) being over and all, i had time.

and that time turned into a diatribe on college sports that actually had nothing to do with college sports. and that turned into a youtube sesh of Grease and Taylor Swift songs.

and now i'm in bed wishing it was Monday morning because though healthy and necessary, indulging this for a moment really hurts....

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