Monday, September 26, 2011


another perk of this privatization of the blog:

i can be candid without being cryptic.

i know a thing or two about coping with upsets and setbacks and heartbreaks. undoubtedly they all end with me a better me. or at least a different me. but it takes some work. it takes some change.

so what's a girl with a broken heart that just isn't mending in her time frame to do?

cut off my hair?
no way, i've worked too hard for these locks. 

get a new job?
nah, i  am being a student.

move away?
come on Kels, you know that one doesn't work.

be destructive?
nope, won't help a thing.

laid up in bed all weekend, i had a chance to think a little more productively than a busy life allows.

and i remembered something strange i did right after what happened last year. i hung these lights.

i did it instinctively. it was my first move to fight back. i needed my space to be lighter, better, and more secure. my mom says that as weird as these lights were mid-October, she knew they meant i would be OK.

so i'm in the same mode again this year for a very different reason. this time i'm not hanging lights, instead i'm redecorating. i'm making conscious efforts towards bettering the space i occupy. 

i had thought life was going one way and now it's going another way and so i am buying beautiful new bedding and painting my walls blush. i think it will be just as helpful as the twinkle lights and much smarter than chopping my hair. 

and it seems an apt use of my time as the anniversary of what happened comes rolling up. the goal will be to finish before October 7th. so that on that day i can sit in my new basement apartment and feel good about being alone and in such close proximity to a place i've meant to flea all year. 

because the fact is i am more me than i was this time last year anyway and i want it to show in my environment.

i made the first change today and now i lie in billowing white bedding that happened to be in the linen closet... i'm such a happy girl. 

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