Monday, December 3, 2012

I feel better.

I really do.

I feel like myself again.

I keep wanting to write a time line of how or when or why this all has happened, but I'm so aware of the one-dimensionality of words right now that I won't try. My experience is just that. Mine. And the time line I would construct now would be just a construction of my skewed memories and it doesn't really matter anyway. I'm trying to live more in the present; it's going great.

The most cleansing part of moving to Illinois is the time it has allowed me to re-focus. I feel more centered, more free and more healthy now than I have in a long time.

That's not to say it's all rainbows and butterflies over here... for one, pelvic floor physical therapy is extremely hard. I'm told a lot of people quit and I can see why. There are times when I cancel my appointment last minute because doing work down there is just unthinkable. But most of the time I go and see my wonderful and hilarious therapist. She chit chats with me as she stretches me and I respond with obscene language or some powerful ujjuyi breath. I like her. I also work on my pelvic floor at home.*I thought about omitting the graphic nature of my physical therapy but then I remembered what else I've written here and it just seemed silly*. I got this tool. It's called a crystal wand. It's ten inches long in an "S" shape and an inch wide and I put in my vagina every other day and stretch my pevlic floor. It was awful at first, but it's getting better and I'm making serious progress.

Realistically there are some other minor life irritations: work drama, school stress, finances, etc. I don't know if I'm just having a period of clarity but that stuff just seems so un-important in the grand scheme of things. Day to day Isaac and I are living a life that we both love and we're living it with each other, which is the best part. We have some friends and a comfortable place to live and access to information and health care. I don't know what else could matter..

Oh and it's Christmas time, so the smell of our tree and the increasingly steady stream of baked goods I am producing sure help the mood. :)

More soon friends.

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